The Boiling Point!!!!!

Where do we draw the line?  At what point do we risk looking like "those parents" who out right blame the school system, or do we just become "those other parents"  that let the system in place run over our children and our authority as parent`s.   Yup its another rant.  But right now I am boiling!! Fed up by all the school system B.S. and their "power" trip ability to say to a parent whatever they feel like saying without any repercussions.  I however will not be the parent that gets run over.  I am done sitting down and trying to play nice.
I can already hear the anger in some of my readers.  "Well if the parents were more involved...."  Or "If you as a parent would help...."    Trust me on this when I tell you I have been desperate to make my kids work for school.  I say that in that order because truthfully that is the relationship that should be imposed on children and the school system.  Their teachers are there to help the kids not force them to learn.  Children that go to school need to learn responsibility for their actions and produce a positive result.  My kids do not get special treatment for misbehavior.  Quite the opposite.  We work harder.  To be frank I am getting quite the "secretary butt" for sitting so long doing homework with my kids after school. 
Todays blog, as much as I'd like to get into that side of things, isn't actually on homework or whose fault it is that the kid got an "F" on his/her test.  Todays blog is on school policies and sick kids. 
I literally felt the eye roll of about half of my readers; however if you have kids then we really need to be on the same page about this.  If this hasn't effected you just yet it will that I can promise you.  Viruses are no respecter of persons and it definitely doesn't care if you give your beautiful child wheat grass and mixed fruit smoothies along with a probiotic for breakfast.  Please note, I do not mean any disrespect to your choice of food I am just laying a foundation of recognition that viruses are not 'picky eaters.'  So with that established here it goes:

It all starts in November. Just as the weather starts to turn cold you know that date.  Its usually about a week before Thanksgiving when the seasonal colds begin. If you're anything like me then you brace yourself  for an extended house arrest period and you run to the store literally clearing the shelves of  Ibuprophen and Tylenol as if you were experiencing an all out natural disaster. Knocking people to the side and grappling for the fever reducers in a "Black Friday" panic knowing that this item is literally the difference between a tyrannical sick child and a semi-coherent sick child.  If you have ever experienced the first type you know how important it is that you get this medicine. Sometimes you are lucky enough to get there before any other kids parents realize that this viral attack is an all out war and one they need to be prepared for.  If you're not so lucky then you stand there mouth wide open wondering how in the heck ALL of the childrens medicines could be gone so quickly.  You were just in here 2 days ago. 
With your dump truck of fever reducer loaded down you make it home.  For some reason this always happens at about 2 a.m., not sure why this happens, But I can honestly say I have envisioned the actual virus laughing as it says "watch what happens to the parents at the sound of this one puking, Mom, there is going to trip over that car and smash her face into the door frame in her attempt to reach him before he throws up on his bed."  You've seen it too haven't you?  With your alarm set for every 4 hours to divvy out the required dosage to each child you realize that this is only child #1 with this illness. For me, I  begin quickly doing the math to figure out 6 kids *3-5days of fever +2-5 more days each of coughing... = .....oh hell it feels like freaking forever! All of this not sleeping and constantly feeling foreheads makes you worried that you're next on the viral hit list and you suddenly feel the compelling force of OCD ticking in as you rush to the bathroom so you can wash your hands till they bleed.
I don't know about you but November started off the same way it always has and I was prepared.  Or so I thought.  November turned into December turning into January, February, NOW it's MARCH and I am realizing my dump truck load of meds is now depleted.  How could this happen?  Why weren't they getting better.  I took a look back and realized that my kids had been getting sick one at a time each week for the last 4 1/2 months. The week would start of with a small cough then they would run fevers, I'd take them to the clinic to check out their ears and make sure that they didn't have strep, go home with the causal dismiss of "it's a virus, good luck.  Lots of fluids and rest." Then the circle of madness would start all over again.  Infecting each kid in turn only to have a new virus trying to break down the strongholds of my children's immune systems.  Inevitably I'd keep them home from school because this was what the school has asked of us.  Of course I would do that anyway. I try to see things from others points of view including my children's.  If I know what it feels like to be sick and how hard it is to focus then why would I send my kids to school knowing how awful they feel.  Not only that but other kids in their class should be protected from this illness and allowed a chance to stay healthy. 

So here is where this gets interesting. 4 1/2  months divided by 6 kids minus weekends etc.  has equaled to a LOT of missed days per student; which happens to be 5 of them.  I have contacted the schools repeatedly letting them know that my ill child will not be there and I am convinced that they know my voice by now.  Every time I have called, up until this point, I have heard sympathetic responses.  "this season has been awful..."  "we've had so many students out..." etc.  However last week I received an interesting email from my daughters teachers letting me know of my responsibilities as a parent to make sure my kid was in school so she didn't get behind.   I understand this.  I have been trying to get them there.  But for some odd reason they keep getting sick.  I begin to think about it and remember hearing stories from my kids about how their friends were at school sick and how sad they felt for them.  WHAT!!!!??  Why are they there?  My mind becomes conflicted with all the emotions that come with trying to be a good parent.  I want my kid to learn, but I want to follow their policies; I want to make sure that they are improving and keeping up, but I don't want to get others sick.   I hate the fact that my brain settled upon placing blame but somewhere in my mind I realized that there has to be a balance and right now that balance between sick kids staying home to get well and parents who send their kids to school sick to appease the school system has been tipped dramatically.  So in response to this email I asked this teacher why other kids were being allowed to come to school sick and maybe the problem wasn't that I was keeping my kids home because they were sick but that other parents were bringing their kids to school while sick to appease the schools.  I also said that maybe she needed to address that situation. She didn't respond.  Of course she didn't respond.  Their only concern is to make sure that the kids grades reflect positively on "their school."  I took a look at the policies of the school and they ask us to keep the kids home if they are sick and are running a fever.  I had been complying!! Why is this the problem!?  I am the mom over here spending a small fortune on kids that need medicine because of these illnesses, taking them to the doctor, getting homework and completing it in a timely manner all the while trying to keep the school policies.  I am over here doing what they ask while other parents are bringing their kids to school sick against what the school wishes and re-infecting my kids over and over.  I pulled myself together and decided not to say any more but to continue the fight and make my kids go to school even when they weren't quite 100% despite their "rule" in the hopes that we could get to summer without much more trouble.  However my daughter who was still struggling with an illness was told at school that she wasn't allowed to go to the restroom and she messed her pants.  She was so distraught that she didn't ever want to go to school again.  I made her go to school and face her fears.  2 days later another teacher told her that if she didn't quit missing school they would kick her out because of all of her absences.  Again she came home crying.  By this time I am angry, to say the least. If you have a problem with a child missing school...contact the parents DO NOT belittle my child because of something she has NO CONTROL OVER.  Upon hearing this I waited till the next day so that my daughter wasn't around when I called the principal.  I told him of this situation and he immediately blamed my daughter.  He didn't even wait to hear the full story.  He just decided that my daughter was the one who had made up this ridiculous story.  I wasn't going to allow him this satisfaction so I politely interjected the fact that my daughter was 8 and not likely to conjure up the idea in her mind that the school would kick her out for her absences.  He realized the validity of my point and changed tactics.  "Well this is how we do things here."  My now new thoughts went something like this.....What the hell?!  You belittle children there at your school!? What kind of monsters do you have teaching students who feel it is okay to dissuade and crush the hearts of those that they should be lifting.?!!!!  As I am trying to digest his comment what came next just floored me.  "You know some kids just are meant for our school....you know.  Some just can't handle it here."  I can't decide now whether I just hang up on this man for his rude and uncalled for comment or do I drive over to the school and make a public scene.  All I wanted for him to do was to address the teacher and tell her to let me know when there is a problem and not involve my child who doesn't need to worry about the adult world just yet. However he took this problem and escalated it to a degree in which I now label the boiling point! 
This does sound a bit like a child throwing a tantrum but come on, I called to take care of an issue of miscommunication about my daughter being sick and her school absences only to find that I am considered the enemy and am now the butt of the schools disapproval!?
What in the world am I supposed to think now?!   I
I truly want them to be at school.  I want them to learn all of the incredible things that teachers have to offer them.  I want them to have social skills that will aid them as they grow older. However now its not only the virus that I am fighting but the school system as well.  How do I win?  How do I make sure that my children are seen as worth the schools time and still keep them healthy as they go?   
I honestly do not know the answers to this at this point but one thing I do know is that...

I will be setting up an appointment with the principal very soon so that My husband and I  can present him with ALL of the doctors notes and his own policy on paper and ask him what he would do in my situation.  I will take this to a higher level if I have to.  No child should be treated this way and no parent should have to make the choice to either keep their sick kid home or infect another kid in order to appease the mass of school system bigots. 
On the flip side However the root of the problem remains the same.  PARENTS!!!:  please keep your own kids home when they are sick.  We are all trying to help our kids grow and learn.  WE ALL have the same agenda and plan for them.  But if they are sick and you send them to school sick then not only are you causing your child undo stress but you are putting others at risk.  We all want them to succeed but how and when did it ever become ok to base the success of our kids upon the failure of another.  When did it become ok to please another entity, such as the school system, at the expense of your own child's health and peace. 

Parents you have more power than you know.  If  as parents we would just be parents and stop allowing the "system" to make our decisions, then less of our children would become ill; thus enabling them to miss less school.  Collectively our children would learn more and fair better in future endeavors due to the amount of school they wouldn't miss.  Let's take back parenting and stop giving it away to systems that are only concerned about numbers on a paper and a pay check.  Let's stop being afraid of raising our own children in a manner that benefits them rather than benefitting a corporation full of  Government stiffs that are there because of the amount of money per-child they get, based solely on the number of children in the school and in their seat. It is time, beyond time, to stop being afraid of the system and start being parents again.  So parents I urge you to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, stop sending your beautiful child to school sick. Both your child and mine will thank you for helping them  to stay healthier and bettering their futures in the long run.  


Below is a link to another blog that addresses what is acceptable and not for a child to go to school.  It has an interview from a Children's hospital on the matter.
I found it helpful, you may or may not. Either way it is a good read.

http://www.neworleansmomsblog.com/2014/05/05/how-sick-is-too-sick-for-school-a-pediatricians-perspective/
Disclaimer for the blog site listed above.
Disclaimer: The information contained in this blog post is for networking and informational purposes only, and should not be used to replace the relationship that exists between you and your child’s healthcare provider. Please contact your healthcare provider for specific medical advice and/or treatment recommendations. The opinions expressed in this blog are the personal opinions of the author, not of Children’s Hospital or Children’s Hospital Medical Practice Corporation (CHMPC).

It's all a SCAM!!!!!

At the Risk of sounding like a complete idiot I am about to tell you of something that happened to our family this week.  Hang on to your seats because in a few moments you will be able to unleash all of your thoughts of "What an idiot, even I would have caught that!" out at my post. I would ask you to refrain from judgment but even I know that it's going to come whether I like it or not.  My only hope is that by telling you of our folly and miscalculated decision that you or one of your family members will be spared from doing something as "idiotic" as this.   
Last week we were in the throws of what to do with our tax returns.  Heaven knows that we all do it.  "With taxes we should buy this, or with taxes we should buy that...."  The list grows so long that by the time taxes get here you have forgotten the first needed thing on the list and you end up with a lot of wants.  Don't get me wrong the wants are WAY more fun than the needs but....now what?  This is the second year, no make that the third year in a row that you have forgotten about those needs am I right?! DANG IT!!!   No worries there's always next year...maybe.  Anyway as we pondered and tossed about ideas my husband decided to buy a camp trailer.  Yay!!! Who doesn't want one of those!?  Seriously, there's no hassle of unloading and re-loading ALL of that dreaded camp equipment not to mention our 50lb, -35* rated sleeping bags (all 8 of them). Lugging them up the stairs one at a time.  I have to take them one at a time because the last time I took 2 I pulled a muscle in my back so bad that I had to take Hydrocodone and Ibuprophen.  To any other person that sounds like a great day but I don't do well on that crap!  I lay around like a comatose patient with my eyes wide open, drooling.  When I try to talk all I do is slur, stutter, or hallucinate the someone was just trying to call me on the phone.  I lay there attempting to hand whoever is closest to me the receiver and do my best at signaling them to say answer it.  I can never figure out why they look at me like I have lost my mind.  All this and I still feel the pain.  I thought these were called "Pain Killers"?  Seriously they should be called "Reputation Killers." If anyone besides my family saw me like that I'd be put in a mental institution.  All I know is that when I read the label and it says "Do not operate heavy machinery while taking this medication."  I think holy crap I can't even operate a toaster while on this stuff why in the world would I drive anything that was considered heavy!!!!  So considering my alternative you can see why I was all for this trailer. In my mind I saw days full of the warm beautiful SUN!

 Frolicking through fields of wild flowers with deer bounding around us.  All of this set to its own back ground music! Life would be all flowers and treats with perfect hair and teeth and each child responding with "yes mom,  I will do what you ask.  I love you!"  Oh what a perfect idea for a tax return expenditure!!!  "LET'S DO IT!!!!!" My husband rifles through website after website.  We OOOOO'ed.. and AHWWW'ed over all of the trailers.  We Searched all of the amenities and decided on what we wanted and then like any other person we went to the websites where we would get it "Cheaper."  You saw that coming didn't you.  Of course you did. You've done it too.  We all want that "good" deal.  So in that mind set we searched and looked.  For a couple of days we looked and finally settled upon one that looked too good to be true.  $2000.00 for a trailer that looks new.  Yup that cheap...hence our curiosity.  We began the task of emailing and texting back and forth with the owner information about this trailer and how it will get here and such.  With the first email the seller informed us that they had other offers.  Our anticipation mounts as we are awaited our tax return.  We were nervous that someone would take our "good deal."  2 Days before our tax returns arrived my husband came home from work with the information on how to pay for this trailer through the website that he was emailed.  We were to buy some amazon gift cards and pay through this emailed amazon site and then amazon would ship the trailer to us. We would have 5 days to decide if we wanted it.  If within that 5 days we didn't like it we could ship it back to amazon.   Whoa!!! Amazon is a legit site and these terms seemed awesome. So now we were even more appeased in our endeavor.  Later that night my husband received an email asking him to decide if he was truly interested because they were receiving other offers.  If he was, he needed to begin the paperwork process. We truly were interested so we did start the paperwork but we didn't have the money and told them that we would have to wait.  The email received back caught my attention.  It said that they would wait for us and to make sure to get the money to them as soon as we could.  See if I were selling anything of value such as the trailer during which I had received other offers and one of them couldn't pay and another could then I would sell to the one who could.  It's a no brainer right???... But as I laid in bed that night I couldn't sleep.  I kept thinking that I had to be wrong about this.  I had to be just over thinking this because even though $2000.00 was cheap for a trailer it was a lot for us.  I mulled over the details.  Working with Amazon seems legit, we could keep the trailer for 5 days and try it out, ship it back on their dime if we don't like it, how could this be wrong. But for some reason I couldn't sleep.  The next morning brings anticipation of will the money be in our bank so that "Our trailer" will not be taken.  Alas it isn't there but a new email is with a note asking for the money that day.  We again tell them that it isn't there but we will have to wait.  The reply to our email says "Well just send it when you can.  You were the first to inquire about this so I want you to have first say."  Red flags in my mind fly up all over the place.  We were not the first.  They told us in the beginning that they had other offers.  Now my neurons are firing at rapid pace and all I can think about is how this is probably a scam but my emotions are at war saying no its not, Amazon is involved, it can't be a scam.   I push it aside (I know, I know...yes I'm an idiot!!!).  We wait 2 more days and in that 2 days and nights the thoughts keep returning only to be cast aside like clean laundry.  A mess I know I am going to have to clean up later but for now I just don't want to believe that this is a real problem and I should deal with it right now.  Besides How do I even know that it is a problem?!  All I have is a feeling in my stomach.
 IT'S HERE!!! is the sound I hear from my husband as he calls me from work the next morning.  He takes the day off and we plan how to purchase this trailer.  My husband is like a kid in a candy store.  However I am suddenly very aware at how peaceful I feel inside.  Weird I know, but I truly felt so calm and at peace.  At the time I didn't know why I felt this way but later I understood completely.  Together we go and retrieve the Gift cards and come back home with them in hand ready to make our purchase.  My husband hands me the information that he had printed off.   I read it over and over I and I keep noticing things I hadn't noticed before.  Like the phone numbers for all of the listings such as customer service, technical support, etc. were all the same.  How there wasn't any where on the site to put in the gift card information even though it looked just like Amazon's site; and how it looked as though someone just cut, copied, and pasted information into places on the page.  I suddenly get this thought to call the number.  When the person answered, my brain registered that this person sounded like they were in a basement and they were alone. Amazon is a huge company there should have been background noise.  I was instantly afraid.  So I just hung up.  I sat there for a moment trying to digest all that I was perceiving.  Oddly enough I was still calm despite what I was seeing unfold. My husband however was getting kind of frantic with the thought that we couldn't figure out how to pay this person and that we may lose the trailer.  My husband is not mindless I promise.  Usually he is way more in-tune to these kinds of things than I.  So the fact that I was recognizing this kind of thing for one of the first times in my life was the reason I was questioning myself.  I had a thought cross my mind that I should call the number again and see if the same person answered.  Since Amazon was such a huge company then there should be no way that the same person should answer twice right?.  I dialed the number and just as I had thought the same person answered asking for my information.  Half bewildered and half just surprised that this truly was a real scam happening to us I said out loud to this person.  "There is no way I should have gotten you twice, I am not doing this!" I hung up and immediately searched and found Amazons true customer service number, gave them the order numbers and all the information to which she replied that yes ....

 we were being scammed and that we needed to file it with the FTC (federal trade commission).  She told us that scams like this happen all the time.  These dishonest people ask for gift cards because there isn't any way to track them. Once you give the card numbers to them then the money is gone with no way to get it back.  Neither Amazon, nor the stores will refund the money so once its gone..its gone!  She asked if we had given the person any of the numbers on the cards.  Gratefully I could say no.  She was surprised and stated that we were of a handful of people that thwarted this before losing a lot of money.
 We were very lucky!!!  We couldn't get a refund but we had all of our money, on gift cards for amazon, but we still had it. 
I sat and pondered this moment in our lives.  What a great moment of learning!!! We not only learned how to spot a scam, but we also learned about how the Lord helped us and protected our family.  We ALL have something that we are given as a divine gift from above to help us.  Call it the Spirit, the HolyGhost, the Light of Christ, your conscience or whatever you will, but it is a gift and if you listen you will be guided and protected.  You see that morning I was calm because Heavenly Father knew I needed to be able to "hear" him tell me what to look for, and how to respond.  If I had been stressed or over anxious I would have missed all of the red flags.  Normally I wouldn't think to look at the phone numbers, or all of the fill in the blank spots on the forms.  Nor would I have even noticed that this person sounded like he was in a basement, and I definitely wouldn't have never thought to call again just to see if I did get the same person twice. I wouldn't have remembered that the people told us about them receiving other offers only to change what they said and tell us we were the first. But with the help of the Holy Ghost  ALL of this was shown to me bit by bit while the Lord helped me to stay calm while I acted. All of this he did so that our family would be protected.  We didn't give this person any of our Gift card numbers or any of our personal information so we got Lucky.  Very Lucky!! This could have had such a terrible ending but instead we are sharing this information with you so that you don't make the same mistake.  Please share this with all of your friends and family so that they too will know to watch out for the types of people who wish to steal from you and your family.   Good Luck out there and Buy something fun with your taxes But BE SAFE!!!!!!.  You only live once.

It is likely a scam if:
It looks too good to be true
It is being purchased through a 3rd party (i.e. Amazon or any other types of gift cards to be redeemed by the seller)
If the product information you receive doesn't allow you to input information into their website but you have to call to give them the information instead.
All of this will help you to assess if it is a scam. 

Craigslist gives good advice about how to avoid scams
Avoiding Scams:
Deal locally, face-to-face —follow this one rule and avoid 99% of scam attempts.

• Do not extend payment to anyone you have not met in person.
• Beware offers involving shipping - deal with locals you can meet in person.
• Never wire funds (e.g. Western Union) - anyone who asks you to is a scammer.
• Don't accept cashier/certified checks or money orders - banks cash fakes, then hold you responsible.
• Transactions are between users only, no third party provides a "guarantee".
• Never give out financial info (bank account, social security, paypal account, etc).
• Do not rent or purchase sight-unseen—that amazing "deal" may not exist.
• Refuse background/credit checks until you have met landlord/employer in person.

When meeting someone for the first time, please remember to:

• Insist on a public meeting place like a cafe, bank, or shopping center.
• Do not meet in a secluded place, or invite strangers into your home.
• Be especially careful buying/selling high value items.
• Tell a friend or family member where you're going.
• Take your cell phone along if you have one.
• Consider having a friend accompany you.
• Trust your instincts.
• 
  *Please send me your edge of the miracle story to (edgeofthemiracle@outlook.com). I will preview it and then keep in close contact with you before featuring it in an upcoming blog.  There are people out there that need your strength.  They need the kind of peace only your story can bring.  Even if you don't feel like it is worth a feature, just know that someone out there somewhere is needing to hear how you have overcome and the lessons that you have learned.  You may save their life or quite possibly save many lives. We need your story.
  
               

The tipping point....

                                                                                                                           

 You know the one,? the point at which you finally say ok, I will cave and explain myself so that maybe; just maybe you will change your perceptive of me and others that think like me.  That my friends is the tipping point.  I consider myself to be pretty understanding of others.  I try not to demean or belittle people because they think differently than I do.  I find value in others and the work they do and care they give. To be honest, until today,  I have never felt the sting of being discriminated against because of my choice to be a stay at home mom.  I have also never looked down upon mothers who worked.  Quite the opposite in fact! I look up to moms who can balance both worlds. I am often amazed and dumbfounded at their abilities to still look sane and poised despite a long night of a puke filled lap and round the clock alarms blaring for medicine dosing.  I actually feel almost inadequate to their magical strength of will to press on despite their bone crushing exhaustion. But I never, EVER! bought into the view that a working mom was inadequate to raising her children because she worked.  I guess in some sense I was shielded by my own ignorance of the issue.  I had seen articles written about the degradation of both "stay at home moms" and "working moms" and I have read them, all the while shaking my head and thinking how sad it was that Society felt it their right to pull all of us down because of their own opinions.  But I had never seen up close and personal the truth of how it made women feel and what that true perception was out in the "real" world.  The time was well overdue I guess, to have a hands on knowledge and a somewhat surreal and very real-life experience of this subject.  In order to experience this I realize that someone must step out of their "comfort zone" and give me their well meaning but ever demoralizing thoughts about my non-societal conforming behavior.  And this is where my day began, in an office with 6 out of 8 of my child's teachers and the school counselor.  I have a child that struggles with concepts of any kind and requires a 504 to get her through.  She is amazing and works harder than most students have ever thought of working.  She never gives up and cries until she finds the solutions.  This meeting was arranged for discussing the possibilities of allowing her extra time since homework was taking on average about 6 hours a day.  So as to not over step my boundaries I ASKED the teachers what they would be willing to do and what extra time they could give her if any.  5 of the 6 responded very nicely and gave raving reviews about my daughter; recognizing that she did have a hard time but noted that she was the "ideal" student who never acted out, always stayed on task, and worked harder than the others.  So there-fore they were willing to grant whatever extra time she needed without penalizing her.  However one teacher began to explain how this was "just life" and she needed to just continue to do things the same way or things would pile up.  I recognized this as reality so I replied that his comments were valid, but per her 504 she was allowed extra time (I emphasized) "if needed."  So again I asked him what he deemed acceptable as extra time.  At this point I am confused at his lack of understanding and I begin trying to think of ways to help him understand what I am asking.  While I am thinking he begins talking again about life only this time he begins using analogies...first high school and then college.  He is still reiterating over and over the point of wasting time and having to make up all the extra work that piles up.  I am now looking at him perplexed because he still isn't answering me.  I am not hard to please so a simple "extra time is fine" or "I'm sorry but..." would have sufficed.  But no, here we sat as he felt the need to explain life and all it's hardships to me.  It's at this moment that he decides to attack me in such a subtle but profound way.  It wasn't in what he said but the tone that he used and I knew that I was in a situation similar to ones I had read about.  So to mothers everywhere who "WORK" and those that "DON'T" this is what you get when you test MY TIPPING POINT: 
"*FAVORITE CONVERSATION OF THE DAY*..from a teacher at my kids school. Teacher: (in a very condescending tone) " Do you work?" Me:( trying to decide if I tell him I have 6 kids but don't because in this world work means a job outside the house so I hesitantly say..)....... "no."
Teacher: "Well I am sure you worked at SOME point in your life right."
Me: (realized its now time to tell him about the kids)..."yes of course!...she isn't the only kid I help with homework. I have 6 kids and 5 of them are in school so I know how this works!"
Teacher: face goes white..."Holy Cow...I thought she was the only one you were doing home work with." (silence)
My mind suddenly realized that this teacher assumed I was lazy and didn't want to help my child, so to answer his question more thoroughly......

 Yes Teacher at Franklin....I do work, from sun up through sun down and sometimes I only sleep for 2 ish hours all the while holding a child. Most days I haven't had a "coffee" break or a chance to "go to lunch". I don't usually get that 15 minute break that I am required to clock out for at other Jobs. I am a MOM my bosses are relentless and require cuddles, or someone to teach them to read, or do algebra. I am on the computer with a child by my side learning along with them so that I can help YOU teach them the new curriculum that you are trying to teach but I have never seen in my life. I am holding group conversations at the table about nouns and adverbs and what a parabola is and how to get it to look right on the x and y axis all the while holding a spoon and a bowl trying to cook a meal. I am driving kids to and from activities all the while addressing social troubles and teaching them how to balance and manage money or how to find good deals when buying groceries. I am showing them how to calculate the weight of bananas or tomatoes with the price per lb. so that they know how much it will cost and aid them in math skills at school at the same time. When it is bed time and everyone else is winding down I am walking back through the house picking up clothes, shoes, and wiping up the toothpaste left on the counter. I am tucking them in bed and making sure that everyone is safe and asleep. I pick up the computer again and go through tutorial after tutorial to figure out how to use that graphing calculator so that when my daughter needs it again she won't have to hear her teacher tell her she can't help her and to go have another student show her. At 2.a.m When the lights go off I lay awake still trying to figure out how to help one child learn how to spell that word, or another child to understand how to add and subtract fractions, or I am walking around the living room with my 5 year old because he cannot breathe from an asthma attack. When sleep finally does come it is short because it is interrupted by my 2 year old who cries and cries because of night terrors and it can take hours to calm him down. Morning comes and with crazy hair and swollen eyes I begin the morning with a kiss to wake them up and the day begins again. Breakfast, chores, reading, math, writing skills, etc. No time to sit there is too much at stake! I have to make sure that they please you and the school system. I have to prove to you and everyone else in the world that I am a fit parent and I meet all of YOUR expectations. I have to make sure that my children grow up with enough knowledge so that they too can fit in to this world and be allowed to "WORK" as well. So to the Teacher at Franklin if you must know my job descriptions well then....At my house I am the equivalent of 5 different grade level teachers, I am a cook, a social worker, a nurse, a drivers ed teacher, a custodian, a geologist, a biologist, a dry cleaner, a personal assistant to 7 people, a computer tech, a mechanic, and sometimes a Therapist for those hormonal years, I am a zoologist, a gardener, and a dietician. I am an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, and a seamstress among many other things! I( I may not have the paper in hand that grants me the "TITLE" to all of these occupations but I am already doing the work).... So YES Teacher at Franklin I DO work , I Work Damn Hard at my job, and I am good at it!!!!"

MOMS!!!! WOMEN OF ALL AGES AND RACES..... YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!!!  You were given the divine ability to nurture and love deeper than ever thought possible.  You were designed to rear and raise honest and caring children, whether they be yours biologically or yours because you love deep and wish to share it.  You are creative and giving, you have strength beyond normal capacities to deal with stress, and pain, anger and sadness...but also a deep pocket in your heart to be filled with immense joy as you witness the first steps, the giggles, the first words, and the deep breaths as the child in your arms rests safely.  Each stage monumental, each stage filling you with more and more joy.  It doesn't matter if you have a job outside the home or if your job is in your home your divine role is still the same.  To LOVE!  Having a paid position or not will never change your desire to be a better mom that comes with being a mom...we all want to be better...and it certainly will never change how your children see you.  They will see your sacrifices and your tears; They will see your smile as they progress and feel your pride in their accomplishments; They will feel your frustrations with life but learn how to handle them and will emulate them in their own lives.  Your children will be the children you raise despite your "JOB."  So mom's just be the best mom you can be with whatever life has handed you and know that we all feel frustrated sometimes and we wish for a different or better life.   However you and only YOU can be DAMN good at YOUR JOB!!

*Gina Marley.


*Please send me your edge of the miracle story to (edgeofthemiracle@outlook.com). I will preview it and then keep in close contact with you before featuring it in an upcoming blog.  There are people out there that need your strength.  They need the kind of peace only your story can bring.  Even if you don't feel like it is worth a feature, just know that someone out there somewhere is needing to hear how you have overcome and the lessons that you have learned.  You may save their life or quite possibly save many lives. We need your story.

                                         

The Great Depression....

There is a great chasm that is often found within the confines of moms,  full of dark days and even darker nights, where they feel as though their worth is far less than anyone can imagine.  They feel as though no rope is long enough to help lift them out of the ever deepening gulf that has swollowed their hopes and dreams. Here is a story of a woman who is still fighting this battle but hopes to bring comfort to someone that is in it as well.   Here is a journal piece that she has allowed me to share.....
"It's still dark outside. I can literally feel the rain and the barometric pressure change as I lay in my bed.  I keep wishing myself back to sleep but no, my brain will not allow it.  Each morning begins this way; with a sudden awakening and a realization that I am still alive, and I am still here.  I hate waking up; truth is I wish that I would never wake up.  This is a very selfish thing to think because I have a family that is counting on me but I can't help it.  My mind holds the realities of who I am too close to my heart; and so, here I lay with the constant barrage of images and affirmations of what my worth is, on replay and fast forward so that I don't miss a single one. "You're useless, you are a terrible mother, you're way too fat, you are definitely going bald, you are worthless, your husband and family would be better off without you,..." this list goes on and on.  The ones about my family sting the most because in my heart I know that they are true.  I am ruining them.  Every day I ruin them just a little bit more. I would close my eyes to get away from it but when I do I see images of me ruining my family that back up the thoughts that are there on display.  During my morning mental movie I also have the to do list playing in the back ground. Clean, Clean, Clean... Today is laundry day.  I hate laundry day.  But to be fair I hate most things right now. I hate how it sounds when the kids run through the house, I hate how it feels to see the living room a mess with play forts, I hate that I have worked so long and hard at cleaning the house and knowing that in about 30 seconds it will be destroyed all over again with toys and dress up clothes all things that bring joy to children of growing age.  I know that these are things that people typically hate but for me it feels almost life and death.  I HATE IT!!!  My kids should be allowed to have a messy lunch and enjoy every second of it.  They should know the joy of a properly made blanket fort and not be afraid of the final clean up.  They should be allowed to blow bubbles and not worry about the slippery mess that can be easily cleaned up. I feel totally out of control when my kids want to go to a friends but even worse when they ask for one to come play over here.  But they aren't even allowed these joys.  Why?..you ask. The answer in short is Because of me.  I feel as though my head and body are about to explode with the knowledge that there again I have to clean.  I become angry when I look around and feel as though the only thing I am good for is being a maid. I Have found that my life as a house maid is the only thing that defines me any more.  I no longer do the things that I loved when we first got married because a maids job never ends. ( Get up do breakfast, clean up, do laundry, clean bathrooms, bedrooms, living room, repeat every 5 mins until lunch.  Then repeat again until dinner.  Repeat again until bath and bed time.) It has been years since I have drawn or painted and those were things that I loved whole heartedly.  When I take the kids to the park I do it with a sense of duty rather than love.  I see on social media how families are enjoying water parks and fun in the sun, yet here I am wishing night would come so that they would go to bed and I would be allowed peace again for the night.  I know that I chose to be a mom.  This is a sacred duty that some will never be able to enjoy and yet here I am complaining about such trivial things.  Trust me I get that this is a vacuous way to look at a life so blessed, but the darkness seems to seep in from every corner. 

I already feel useless, worthless, a parent that is nothing short of a mistake.  I hate what I see every time I look at my self in the mirror. So nothing anyone says will surprise me.  But this is how I feel.  I wake up being exhausted wishing it was bed time but then it becomes night and I wonder how did this all came about,  when did I hate being me? I cannot recall when it all started but it felt worse right after my last baby was born.  I really didn't get a chance to love him and feel like the mom of a newborn.  I was sick and so was he.  We both spent the first year of his life trying to get better.  I remember the first 2 weeks of his life lying in bed with him next to me because I was too sick to get up and move.  I had a really hard time bonding with him.  I loathed the way I felt, sick, weak, and no way to sleep with a nursing baby. There were days that I felt if I moved too quickly my body would shut down and I would die right there. I was so scared that I called my family in and told them how I felt.  They thought I was having anxiety attacks but I knew it wasn't.  This was a constant feeling not something that would come and go like anxiety attacks would.   Then Suddenly my baby became critically ill and was put in the hospital and there I sat holding him crying a deep hopeless cry that we both were in a predicament that I had no control over.  I held him watching him fight for his life while I desperately held on to mine. Once out of the hospital he began to mend but truthfully I still have not.  My body is still struggling to find that place of healing but my mind has become so lost in it all that it feels as though there is no hope of finding health and what is left of me after all of the trauma of birthing several children. 

 

It has been almost 2yrs now and i seriously feel more lost than ever.  I am not even sure that I can pull myself out of this hole!'" My journal paints a dark picture. This has been my life for quite some time.  I have felt lost and alone for so long that it is extremely difficult for me to allow you to read this . But here I am I have walked out of the bedroom disheveled and exhausted from a lack of sleep.  I mindlessly go to the fridge for milk and make up bowls of cereal.  The kids sit and eat and I watch.  I cringe at the idea of the doing dishes, and yet somewhere inside I know that it will be ok to just let them sit while I write to you.  You see I have a very good friend who began telling me about something she was discussing with her class it was on the art of war.  In preparation for war people will build a wall around their city that is set upon a hill.  This is for protection and also so that they can see what is coming.  As the war descends upon them they see it afar off and can battle effectively.  However once the battle reaches their  wall a siege begins to take place.  This siege will cut off their supply of food and also their communication.  They will become isolated and feel all is lost.  Once they are totally cut off then the enemy begins to pound and pound at the fortification with all sorts of battle efforts in order to bring down the city. 

As she was telling me about this my mind began to swirl about with thoughts and emotions.  I realized that me, as a person, as a mom and a wife, I was being attacked.  This world and all that is required of me was battling me on all fronts.  Somewhere in the midst of this battle the catapults had sent in firey balls of pain that damaged something within my fortified walls and slowly everything inside was being depleted and burned with searing amounts of pain.  All of the negative thoughts were constant balls of fire obliterating every chance of hope and rescue.  I thought back to the times I felt that my prayers were not being answered.  I am not as haughty as to believe that God should give me what "I WANT" but any answer would suffice.  Flash back upon flash back I saw all the moments I sat on my bed just holding a pillow wishing the noise would stop, hiding behind the bathroom door hoping no one saw me go in, crying myself to sleep and hoping my husband wouldn't hear my sniffles, and in that moment I knew what it all meant. 
The wall (as she explained) was our prayers and living as righteously as possible, service, etc.  The Hill is our foundation built upon Christ where he would give us the ability to see the adversary as he approached.  Thus giving us the advantage to defeat him before he even got close.  Communication was with our family and friends and even the savior.  These are the things we begin to shut out once the depression gets too bad. Our food being sprititual and possibly even literal food are the things we feel we no longer need because the hurt is too deep and nothing has satiated it before.  However If we forget to pray or be obedient then our walls begin to become weak and not as tall as they would have otherwise been.  Thus allowing the adversary to get in and destroy us from the inside out.  Without those fortifications we will not be able to withstand the forces at our emotional, mental, and spiritual door.
I knew now...it wasn't me!!  I am not worthless,  I have strength (somewhere), I am a good person (I hope) I am better that the enemy wants me to believe; and I am not staying in this hole.  I realized that he had reached me.  He reached me because I stopped praying; I stopped reading my scriptures, I stopped building and rebuilding that barrier between me and the enemy, and because of this here and there small cracks in my wall began to open allowing the enemy to tell me I was worthless; this fight was useless and that I would never amount to anything.  Slowly but surely the cracks widened and catapults thrown until now my battle field looks as though an atomic bomb went off and there is a huge hole where once there was a city on a hill.  If you are like me looking in on the destruction you are feeling that ever familiar feeling of this is useless.  There is too much damage.  I can never get back to the way I felt.  But I have a question for you...
Whenever there is a war or a tragedy what do people do?  They rebuild right?! They clear out the debris, get rid of what is broken and start fresh.  They begin with clear ground and then build a sure foundation.  This is my job now.  Now that I know where I am within my mind this is what I have to do.  It isn't going to be easy.  I will have to actually get out of bed.  I will have to sweep out the pain and the dragging belief that I don't matter even though it feels like I have 300lb weights on my ankles and arms; and I will have to begin again.  The only way to defeat the enemy is to never give up.  Begin building again.  To pray when it feels useless, to believe even when you're not sure,  to live as though the war is just about over so that hope doesn't feel so far away.  Today I feel a little bit of light shining through the dark clouds.  That ray of light may or may not be there in the morning but I know that if I clear away a little more of the debris then that light will get brighter and brighter.
We are children of God and he has said:
Matthew 5:14-16
14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

 15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

 16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

One day I will get there.  I have to...

 

AND SO DO YOU!!!!

anonomyous.

 

Depression hits home to so many individuals. If you are feeling this way please find someone to talk to.  Depression is hard on you and your family.  You battle a very real war each day and I am often amazed at the triumphs that you all reach.  I am so grateful to this mother for her willingness to share how hard it is to pull and dig her way out of bed each day.  You, dear mother, are a hero for still trying despite the heart ache and pain.  Thank you again, and Good luck with ALL my love to you and your famliy in your ability to conquer.

*Please send me your edge of the miracle story to (edgeofthemiracle@outlook.com). I will preview it and then keep in close contact with you before featuring it in an upcoming blog.  There are people out there that need your strength.  They need the kind of peace only your story can bring.  Even if you don't feel like it is worth a feature, just know that someone out there somewhere is needing to hear how you have overcome and the lessons that you have learned.  You may save their life or quite possibly save many lives. We need your story.

 



 

 

 



The sharp edge of "new life" ...

Suppose you were told when you were 16 that you'd never have a child of your own.  Suppose also, at that age you had a surgery that supported the doctors claims.  What would you do?  How would you react? Women are supposed to be mothers!  They are supposed to bare and rear and nurture beautiful babies into adult hood. Right?!  So now what?

*****"As a woman I know there isn't much I wouldn't do to become a mom.  There are some women out there that feel just fine with pursuing a career or other pursuits and that is a fine goal for them.  But I knew at the age of 7 that I wanted children and lots of them. During Family Home Evening when I was 8 My dad played this game of "pretend ancestoral lines."  This is where we would take a family tree and write the pretend names of our spouse and children on the lines.  For me that huge page of 20 or more lines was totally filled.  Each child that I put on there not only had a name but had a gender and a twin.  Yep you read that right a twin.  I wanted children, and I wanted them to come at me like Noah wanted animals on the ark, in pairs.  My dad laughed at me and I remember feeling very confident that all would be perfect.  So at the age of 15 I began having pain.  Not a lot at first just some here and there, but it was bad when it did come.  By age 16 it was coming more frequently.  I hadn't said much to may parents but one morning when I tried to get out of bed the pain was so bad the I fell to the floor.  I couldn't stand up because it was so excruciating.  I used every strength I had to crawl up the stairs to my parents room.  I laid on the floor in the door way of their room and called for my mom.  She came to my aid. She quickly booked an appointment for a clinic that we could go to but it was 30 minutes away.  I did my best to get out to the car and we began the commute. Once there the Doctor took a look.  His diagnosis:  "I'm not sure...its either her appendix or it is her reproductive system. We'll need to do an ultrasound to find out."  After the ultrasound they told me that I had A LOT of free fluid in my system and they were not sure if my appendix had ruptured or not but that they needed to do surgery right away to stop what ever source the fluid was from.  I was in surgery for a very short time (at least to me :+D). Once awake I was told that my appendix was bad but the source wasn't from that.  It was from some very very large ovarian cysts, 14 of them to be exact, that were rupturing and bleeding internally.  I had been bleeding to death slowly.  They said that the damage done would most likely prevent me from ever having children and that I also needed to be on birth control for a very long time to try and combat the affects of all the problems these cysts caused.  They said that if I ever went off of the birth control that the amount of cysts that would return would be catastrophic and I could possibly die.  My dreams of being a mom were crushed. I left that day in heavy spirits.  Flash forward to a bright beautiful sunny day in July when I meet the man destined to be my husband.  I have dated many guys and none of them were told of this possible road bump.  How do you tell the man you want to spend eternity with that his hopes of ever having a child of his own were next to zero?  However that night I did I told him with fear in my heart. As he looked at me with love in his eyes his response was incredible to say the least.  "we'll just have to adopt then." he said while looking straight through my eyes and into my heart. I knew that this man was mine and he would love and understand me.  One year after our marriage I made a decision to stop the birth control.  My husband was worried but I was sick of how it made me feel and I wanted to know if I could have a baby so I stopped taking them.  3 months later I awoke in the middle of the night with full confidence that I was indeed pregnant. 3wks later the test confirmed.  This was joy beyond joy! I remember my husbands reaction to the news.  He was so excited and he said "It's going to be a girl."  I asked him how he was so sure and he said, "Because I need to do some growing up."  We laughed but those words were more true for us than we would have ever imagined. On the flip side it was an incredible feeling to know that I was beating my own odds.  We were religious with the appointments and ultra-sounds. But at 23 wks something wasn't quite right.  I had gained 27 pounds in 3 wks. Being my first baby and first pregnancy I had no clue as to what might be going on so I just waited for the Doctor to explain to me why nothing fit any more..including all of my large maternity clothes.  He responded in a way that I can only describe now as complete mockery and medical negligence.  "You gained 27 lbs in 3 wks you know that right!?" he said.  "well ya, I am not sure why but nothing is fitting anymore."   "you need to lay off the potato chips!" he announced in such a demeaning manner that I felt 1inch tall.  "I watch what I eat I promise."  is the response I peddled out as quickly as possible hoping to bandage the gaping wound that I now felt. "Well it was over the holidays maybe YOU WEREN'T paying attention."  I went home so deflated and ashamed that I began doing something that made my situation deadly without my knowledge.  I began to run.  Every night I jogged.  Trying desperately to squelch the issue that I was told I had started.  27wks gestation a mere 3 1/2 weeks later my husband and I were at a pre-super bowl party.  When suddenly I had pain in my stomach area.  Thinking that it was the hot sauce from the wings I went upstairs to be alone and not inhibit the party going on.  The longer I sat there the worse the pain became.  About an hour later the pain was so unbearable that I could no longer walk.  I crawled over to the stairs and called to my husband.  He came up just in time to see me begin vomiting.  We went home from the party where the pain just kept increasing.  My husband kept trying to get me to go to the hospital but the fear that they would send me home kept me from agreeing.  At some point in the night my husband decided that enough was enough and he took me in.  They attached me to all sorts of machines and then took my blood pressure.  186/212...Nurses began to scramble and yell things.  I was in too much pain to notice. Here I was sitting on the bed with the garbage can in my lap just heaving and heaving.  A new pain began to emerge.  My head began hurting so bad that I couldn't see.  Eventually I blacked out. I could hear voices but I couldn't see anything.  I don't know how long I was unconscious but in the darkness I heard a voice.  It was my father in law telling me he and my husband were going to give me a blessing.  I fell asleep right after that moment and I felt a deep sense of peace.  The next day I was awoke to the sound of a lot of movement.  When I was finally able to open my eyes I realized I was being prepped for life flight.  They flew us to St. Lukes Hospital in Boise.  That night I underwent emergency C-Section to save both mine and my daughters life.  When they delivered her she made a very small cry and then instantly turned blue.  They showed her to me as they whisked her past to a bed made especially for her with a ventilator and all sorts of tubes and lines.  She was so small!! 1lb 10 oz and 13in. 

this wasn't real, this couldn't be real!!! This isn't supposed to be how this works!  My thoughts were reeling. After recovery they allowed me to go in and see her.  I was in denial at first.  I still felt asleep.  Back in the darkness of the hospital room in Pocatello, not here in Boise.  I had made this up.  But as my mind slowly began to realize the reality of it all a deep deep sadness, a kind that I can only describe as a 200lb weight tied to my body dragging me down to drown me, was pouring into my mind and heart.  What now?, What if...?  How do I care for her? What should I do?  So very many questions and very few answers awaited behind that Pediatric Intensive Care door where our child lay under warming lights and a cover over her eyes.  "Don't talk loud." they told us. "it makes her breathing stop, and her heart rate drop."  "try not to touch her, it stresses her out and causes her to have problems."  they said.  I felt helpless.  Still trying to recover on my end but trying so hard to feel like an actual mom when I can't hold her or touch her or even talk to her, it was the worst feeling of my life.  I suddenly felt as though I really wasn't a mom.  I was just an observer of someones  life while I tried to recover from some accident or illness or something.  5 days later they discharged me from the hospital.  I still remember the day so well.  It was raining out, similar to the scene of a movie, I stood at the window and watched the rain pour down and I cried.  The intensity of my tears I had not felt ever before.  My daughter lay in the hospital on deaths bed and I was no longer near her like I should be.  I was 3 1/2hrs away from any family or friends and I felt so empty.  At this moment I should have knelt to pray but I didn't.  I just let the sadness take me away.  I just closed my eyes and allowed the darkness to swallow me whole. 2 wks later I still hadn't even tried to pray.  Not because I didn't believe but because I was so consumed in my situation that I didn't think about it.  However at 2 am We received a call from the PICU informing us that our daughter had a really bad infection and she probably wouldn't make it.  She had to have a surgery to insert a line into her heart and we needed to go to the hospital right then and sign papers.  I sat outside that door and watched through the window as they performed surgery on our little lady and I prayed the entire time.  2 hours of constant prayer awoke something in me, it awoke my spirit to something I had been missing. This thing was My Father in Heavens love.  During the 2 weeks that we had been there and during the times I felt so alone he was there just waiting to lift me and help me if I'd ask him. But I hadn't until now.

  My husband had been the rock up until this point. He was always praying, always by her side ready to give her a blessing when she needed it and always prepared to pick me up when the darkness was just too much, and I am forever grateful to him for that. But it was time for me to give up my worries, my sadness, my anxieties to someone that knew what to do.  Someone that could take the reigns and help guide the doctors and give them success. That morning she barley pulled through the surgery. She lay swollen and feverish but stable. We watched our beautiful peanut endure and overcome many many other scares during her 4 1/2 months in the PICU.  But from that moment forward I never forgot to ask God for help.  This moment in my life had been so hard but I realized that It had been harder during the first 2 weeks without the Lords help. I have said many times in the past that 1st time parents should never have to go through this.  But the truth is,  I am grateful for the experiences that I have had. I found a strength that was beyond my own, I found a hope that was more sure than anything I had ever felt, and I also gained a knowledge that God is there and he knows our needs.  All of our needs.   My daughter is 13 now.  She went through 5 surgeries in her first 2 years and a couple others along the way.  She has more scars than I could ever count all over her tiny body but along the way she and has always remained happy and optimistic. She is an incredible source of joy, love, and strength.  This girl is not afraid to tell someone how much she and Heavenly Father loves them and she bears her testimony of love and peace to whom ever she meets.  She is a defender of those that are down trodden and will give her very last penny to anyone that needs it.  I learn from her every day, and I am grateful for the opportunity I have had to be strengthened by her. If I could go back in time I wouldn't do this any other way.  Its what we learn when we are pushed to the very edge that makes us appreciate all that we had to endure along the way.  It is all worth it if we allow ourselves to learn while God is teaching."  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ


Moroni; chapter 7
 40 And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?

 42 Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.

 43 And again, behold I say unto you that he cannot have faith and hope, save he shall be meek, and lowly of heart.

44.........by the power of the Holy Ghost that Jesus is the Christ, he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing; wherefore he must needs have charity.

 48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.

*Please send me your edge of the miracle story to (edgeofthemiracle@outlook.com). I will preview it and then keep in close contact with you before featuring it in an upcoming blog.  There are people out there that need your strength.  They need the kind of peace only your story can bring.  Even if you don't feel like it is worth a feature, just know that someone out there somewhere is needing to hear how you have overcome and the lessons that you have learned.  You may save their life or quite possibly save many lives. We need your story.

A Clear Edge.

Every school has tests,  tests that check their ineptness, tests to show their ability to learn to be "just like everyone else."  This test defines a child's future according to this worlds standards.  But what if the worlds standards are wrong? What if the way most children learn isn't the only way?  Children come into this world so small and at our mercy...but what if we took a moment and learned from them? What if our world combined all of the ways of learning and created a new world of love?

Here is a story of a young man who learned differently his whole life and yet his abilities to do things are very profound.  Here is a story of  Joshua Lind a young father who has struggled with these things his whole life and yet he finds the silver lining within it all. (see some of his drawings at the end of the story,they are Incredible!)

" Well, let's see, where do I begin?   I know every person has a story within them, I have many.  Many of my stories I keep secret to the point that even family members and close friends do not fully see until I reveal it to them.  It wasn't that I wanted to keep my secrets confidential, it was more like I wanted to understand my personal cryptic life more correctly first before I said anything to... well really, anyone. I knew I was different growing up, but not until adulthood did I learn why.  Here is one of them, I was never shy growing up.  Surprised? Yes it's silly I know. Most people would argue with me on that one who grew up with me in school.  To me, the definition of a shy person is a person afraid to talk to others. Someone that perhaps gets in a state of apprehension, uncertainty and fear resulting from anticipation in thinking  of talking to someone.  At least, that was the definition of what I thought shyness was and that was definitely not me.  So why was I considered shy growing up?

Here is another secret, I can't remember your name very well.  Yes everyone forgets names now and then from time to time, but is it to the point you can't remember a name of a person you known for 30 years? Not just with one person, but with every person. Luckily I can remember some family members and my wife's, but that's it.  Does this make any sense?  

Okay, last one and then I'll stop being so vague. In High school I have been told I am a smart person. Others would even cheat off my homework at school and get good grades, but did you know when I took my A.C.T. test. the most important test in school to take when wanting to get into collage, I scored just an 11 on it.  I have not met anyone lower yet when trying to score good, and I promise you I did my best to do good on that test and I had no test anxiety.

So, what is all this about then?  Well here's the truth,  I'm disabled.  Yup, I have been all my life.  I am a jumble of hidden things in one body.  I'm dyslexic, have Dysnomia, Low Latent Inhibition, and lean towards the Aspergers syndrome disorder.  Not to mention RLS, but that's another story.

So to the normal person, what does all this mean? Well most people think with mainly with words when talking to others.  With me, it's was different.  There was very little dialogue in my mind. I think with mainly pictures and concepts and virtually no verbal words in my mind at all. I'm a picture thinker.  It's my first language.  And when talking to others, there is  a time delay to translate pictures into words, and when I found the right words to say, the conversation would then be long gone and onto another subject.  Because of that, I didn't contribute much to talking to others. I got labeled as shy when in reality I was just a little two cylinder engine trying to keep up with a six cylinder type of average person.  

This related to my dyslexia because I see words in pictures form and my mind is good at spinning and moving those words in different prospective and points of view. This becomes fun when a person talks.  I had to go to speech therapy to learn to memorize common sayings to just keep a conversation going like, nice weather we are having, or that's awesome, or my favorite, you stumped me there, let me think for a sec.

 Dysnomia is a type of aphasia. It is when you may know what a person, place, or thing is, but your mind cannot recall the names of those things. You have the tip of the tongue experience all the time every time.  It's similar to those in nursing homes that start losing their minds of names of things, but luckily I don't have to go through that because I have already been born to think that way. I have this problem because of Low Latent Inhibition. 

 Low Latent Inhibition is better understood when you understand Latent Inhibition.  Everyone has it. It is when you go to a door, for example, for the very first time.  You look at it and notice the details of what you see.  There is scuff marks on the handle that is made out of brass, crackly paint on the door, and smudge marks from others from the past kicking the door with their shoes.  But, after awhile, you go to the one door, you gone to them all.  Your brain adapts, you see less details.  You know what they're used for and open them and shut them and go on your way.  You notice less details, because you brain treats it as old stimuli so it doesn't get bombarded all the time with all the information around you. This is normal.  It's healthy. If you didn't have this happen, you would go crazy with all the mass of information going into your mind.  A person with Low Latent Inhibition is a person that has a low ability to stop old information to be treated as new.  For example you go to a door that you been to many times and you notice the details all the time as if it was new.... every..... single .....time.... Okay, I got to let out some frustration and use my adopted swear word.  Ready, cover your ears, "Curse words....."  There, I'm better now.   Anyway, You can't shut it off, it just doesn't work that way.  You don't have the ability to stop all this incoming information. Your body starts developing disabilities like autism, Aspergers, or other similar disabilities if you can't handle it.   This is where my Dysnomia came in to play.  My brain threw out names of things as useless information so it could handle all the incoming details around me. Trust me, it's involuntary, or rather, I can't control it, it just happens.

So why do I share all this, It's a little detailed and scientific to explain but to explain it in any other way would not be possible. I share this so that you can have a perspective of my secret.  

It's a blessing.  Compassion for others has been the fruit of this experience... I learned that I am not dumb, or less intelligent. I am just wired different.  It's only a disadvantage in a world that works opposite in the way I work.  In fact, given the right situation provided, I do good in schooling and test and have even been on the dean's list.  But at the same time and in the same measurement of time when achieving this awesome goodness, I also performed the worst and still do. It will be something I will live with the rest of my life.  But I know God lives and is good to us all.  I would love to share more, but to understand my true story, I had to share this secret first.  I'll only be able to share my story of blessings in life if only you have an understanding of my little hiccups of this mortal body.  If I am able, I will share them latter, but as you can imagine.  writing this took just over 3 hours and I'm tired of writing for now.  but until then, stay tuned."

What an incredible life.. and what an amazing way to look at your challenges.  Thank you for inspiring me to be more positive and looking at things in a better light. Josh you are an incredible example to all.  Thank you again.

 

John from the New Testament on the left.
And an old man on the right that has a hidden meaning.  Cover up half of his face to the left and right and see his expression change.  (Both drawn by Joshua Lind)





*Please send me your edge of the miracle story to (edgeofthemiracle@outlook.com). I will preview it and then keep in close contact with you before featuring it in an upcoming blog.  There are people out there that need your strength.  They need the kind of peace only your story can bring.  Even if you don't feel like it is worth a feature, just know that someone out there somewhere is needing to hear how you have overcome and the lessons that you have learned.  You may save their life or quite possibly save many lives. We need your story.