The tipping point....

                                                                                                                           

 You know the one,? the point at which you finally say ok, I will cave and explain myself so that maybe; just maybe you will change your perceptive of me and others that think like me.  That my friends is the tipping point.  I consider myself to be pretty understanding of others.  I try not to demean or belittle people because they think differently than I do.  I find value in others and the work they do and care they give. To be honest, until today,  I have never felt the sting of being discriminated against because of my choice to be a stay at home mom.  I have also never looked down upon mothers who worked.  Quite the opposite in fact! I look up to moms who can balance both worlds. I am often amazed and dumbfounded at their abilities to still look sane and poised despite a long night of a puke filled lap and round the clock alarms blaring for medicine dosing.  I actually feel almost inadequate to their magical strength of will to press on despite their bone crushing exhaustion. But I never, EVER! bought into the view that a working mom was inadequate to raising her children because she worked.  I guess in some sense I was shielded by my own ignorance of the issue.  I had seen articles written about the degradation of both "stay at home moms" and "working moms" and I have read them, all the while shaking my head and thinking how sad it was that Society felt it their right to pull all of us down because of their own opinions.  But I had never seen up close and personal the truth of how it made women feel and what that true perception was out in the "real" world.  The time was well overdue I guess, to have a hands on knowledge and a somewhat surreal and very real-life experience of this subject.  In order to experience this I realize that someone must step out of their "comfort zone" and give me their well meaning but ever demoralizing thoughts about my non-societal conforming behavior.  And this is where my day began, in an office with 6 out of 8 of my child's teachers and the school counselor.  I have a child that struggles with concepts of any kind and requires a 504 to get her through.  She is amazing and works harder than most students have ever thought of working.  She never gives up and cries until she finds the solutions.  This meeting was arranged for discussing the possibilities of allowing her extra time since homework was taking on average about 6 hours a day.  So as to not over step my boundaries I ASKED the teachers what they would be willing to do and what extra time they could give her if any.  5 of the 6 responded very nicely and gave raving reviews about my daughter; recognizing that she did have a hard time but noted that she was the "ideal" student who never acted out, always stayed on task, and worked harder than the others.  So there-fore they were willing to grant whatever extra time she needed without penalizing her.  However one teacher began to explain how this was "just life" and she needed to just continue to do things the same way or things would pile up.  I recognized this as reality so I replied that his comments were valid, but per her 504 she was allowed extra time (I emphasized) "if needed."  So again I asked him what he deemed acceptable as extra time.  At this point I am confused at his lack of understanding and I begin trying to think of ways to help him understand what I am asking.  While I am thinking he begins talking again about life only this time he begins using analogies...first high school and then college.  He is still reiterating over and over the point of wasting time and having to make up all the extra work that piles up.  I am now looking at him perplexed because he still isn't answering me.  I am not hard to please so a simple "extra time is fine" or "I'm sorry but..." would have sufficed.  But no, here we sat as he felt the need to explain life and all it's hardships to me.  It's at this moment that he decides to attack me in such a subtle but profound way.  It wasn't in what he said but the tone that he used and I knew that I was in a situation similar to ones I had read about.  So to mothers everywhere who "WORK" and those that "DON'T" this is what you get when you test MY TIPPING POINT: 
"*FAVORITE CONVERSATION OF THE DAY*..from a teacher at my kids school. Teacher: (in a very condescending tone) " Do you work?" Me:( trying to decide if I tell him I have 6 kids but don't because in this world work means a job outside the house so I hesitantly say..)....... "no."
Teacher: "Well I am sure you worked at SOME point in your life right."
Me: (realized its now time to tell him about the kids)..."yes of course!...she isn't the only kid I help with homework. I have 6 kids and 5 of them are in school so I know how this works!"
Teacher: face goes white..."Holy Cow...I thought she was the only one you were doing home work with." (silence)
My mind suddenly realized that this teacher assumed I was lazy and didn't want to help my child, so to answer his question more thoroughly......

 Yes Teacher at Franklin....I do work, from sun up through sun down and sometimes I only sleep for 2 ish hours all the while holding a child. Most days I haven't had a "coffee" break or a chance to "go to lunch". I don't usually get that 15 minute break that I am required to clock out for at other Jobs. I am a MOM my bosses are relentless and require cuddles, or someone to teach them to read, or do algebra. I am on the computer with a child by my side learning along with them so that I can help YOU teach them the new curriculum that you are trying to teach but I have never seen in my life. I am holding group conversations at the table about nouns and adverbs and what a parabola is and how to get it to look right on the x and y axis all the while holding a spoon and a bowl trying to cook a meal. I am driving kids to and from activities all the while addressing social troubles and teaching them how to balance and manage money or how to find good deals when buying groceries. I am showing them how to calculate the weight of bananas or tomatoes with the price per lb. so that they know how much it will cost and aid them in math skills at school at the same time. When it is bed time and everyone else is winding down I am walking back through the house picking up clothes, shoes, and wiping up the toothpaste left on the counter. I am tucking them in bed and making sure that everyone is safe and asleep. I pick up the computer again and go through tutorial after tutorial to figure out how to use that graphing calculator so that when my daughter needs it again she won't have to hear her teacher tell her she can't help her and to go have another student show her. At 2.a.m When the lights go off I lay awake still trying to figure out how to help one child learn how to spell that word, or another child to understand how to add and subtract fractions, or I am walking around the living room with my 5 year old because he cannot breathe from an asthma attack. When sleep finally does come it is short because it is interrupted by my 2 year old who cries and cries because of night terrors and it can take hours to calm him down. Morning comes and with crazy hair and swollen eyes I begin the morning with a kiss to wake them up and the day begins again. Breakfast, chores, reading, math, writing skills, etc. No time to sit there is too much at stake! I have to make sure that they please you and the school system. I have to prove to you and everyone else in the world that I am a fit parent and I meet all of YOUR expectations. I have to make sure that my children grow up with enough knowledge so that they too can fit in to this world and be allowed to "WORK" as well. So to the Teacher at Franklin if you must know my job descriptions well then....At my house I am the equivalent of 5 different grade level teachers, I am a cook, a social worker, a nurse, a drivers ed teacher, a custodian, a geologist, a biologist, a dry cleaner, a personal assistant to 7 people, a computer tech, a mechanic, and sometimes a Therapist for those hormonal years, I am a zoologist, a gardener, and a dietician. I am an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, and a seamstress among many other things! I( I may not have the paper in hand that grants me the "TITLE" to all of these occupations but I am already doing the work).... So YES Teacher at Franklin I DO work , I Work Damn Hard at my job, and I am good at it!!!!"

MOMS!!!! WOMEN OF ALL AGES AND RACES..... YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!!!  You were given the divine ability to nurture and love deeper than ever thought possible.  You were designed to rear and raise honest and caring children, whether they be yours biologically or yours because you love deep and wish to share it.  You are creative and giving, you have strength beyond normal capacities to deal with stress, and pain, anger and sadness...but also a deep pocket in your heart to be filled with immense joy as you witness the first steps, the giggles, the first words, and the deep breaths as the child in your arms rests safely.  Each stage monumental, each stage filling you with more and more joy.  It doesn't matter if you have a job outside the home or if your job is in your home your divine role is still the same.  To LOVE!  Having a paid position or not will never change your desire to be a better mom that comes with being a mom...we all want to be better...and it certainly will never change how your children see you.  They will see your sacrifices and your tears; They will see your smile as they progress and feel your pride in their accomplishments; They will feel your frustrations with life but learn how to handle them and will emulate them in their own lives.  Your children will be the children you raise despite your "JOB."  So mom's just be the best mom you can be with whatever life has handed you and know that we all feel frustrated sometimes and we wish for a different or better life.   However you and only YOU can be DAMN good at YOUR JOB!!

*Gina Marley.


*Please send me your edge of the miracle story to (edgeofthemiracle@outlook.com). I will preview it and then keep in close contact with you before featuring it in an upcoming blog.  There are people out there that need your strength.  They need the kind of peace only your story can bring.  Even if you don't feel like it is worth a feature, just know that someone out there somewhere is needing to hear how you have overcome and the lessons that you have learned.  You may save their life or quite possibly save many lives. We need your story.