We like to be in control of our
lives but when we aren't in control we question God. We wonder if he
really knows what he is doing. We wonder if he is even aware of us or paying
attention. This is especially true during those times when our health or the
health of a family member is involved. Our hearts become depressed and we
can't understand "Why" we are going through these things.
However Gods plan is so much bigger than the moment we are in. He does
understand and when the moment is over we often see how incredibly blessed we
are for our faithfulness during that time of hardship.
Here is a story of a young mother
that experienced such a moment that caused her to re-learn what it truly meant
to rely on God and his servants wholly.
"As I write this I'm 9 months
pregnant & recovering from an accident that should have taken my
life. But God had a different plan in mind. I would love to share his new
plan with you and all the roads that led to my new journey.
To begin with my sister Samantha and
sister in law Melissa just had their babies one week apart. I had decided while
talking to Samantha that it would be helpful for both her and Melissa for me to
come visit them and bake them some fresh bread. So the evening of the 7th of
January 2014 I baked 10 loaves of bread 5 for Melissa and 5 for Samantha.
The morning of the 8th of January I
loaded up the Ford Expedition with the loaves of bread, sandwich fixings and
Lizzy. The other 3 kids were at school all day. It was a foggy brisk winter
day, icy too. Ken was a little concerned about me leaving in such cold icy,
foggy weather but all he said was drive carefully. I promised him I would and
at 10:00 am left for my hour long journey to Grace. The speed limit at the time
was 75 miles an hour. Because of the icy roads and fog though I didn't drive
much faster than 60. I was praying the whole time that I would arrive in Grace
safely but for some reason could not see it happening. I felt my dad sitting
next to me in the passenger seat as if he were protecting me. The road from
Pocatello to Inkom was like a checker board of ice. I tried my best to drive on
the dry parts as much as possible. I got to the sign that said 10 miles to the
McCammon exit. I thought OK I'm almost out of this awful weather and roads. For
the next 5-6 miles the roads were dry. I thought I would be able to make it.
Out of nowhere I hit black ice and spun a full 180 degrees. I hit the medium
and for a split second thought I would stop but started to roll and all I
saw was ground sky ground sky ground sky as my SUV rolled in the medium of the
freeway. When I stopped I blacked out. I'm not sure how long I was out, but the
next thing I know is the EMTs are trying to get me and Lizzy out of our smashed
SUV. I panicked understandably so. I kept repeating "I'm stuck, Get me out
Where's my baby." They did ask me what my baby's name was and her age and
I told them Lizzy and she is 2. They also asked me my husband’s name and
number. I'm sure some time after I gave them this information they did promptly
call Ken. The doors were smashed in so they had to take me and Lizzy out the
back of the Expedition. It took the EMTs 45 minutes to get us out. Luckily
Lizzy walked away with minor injuries if any at all. I was not so lucky.
If it had not been so foggy that
day, they would have taken me by helicopter. I didn't remember much of the ride
in the ambulance. I do remember arriving at the ER in Portneuf medical center.
The first people I saw were Ken's cousin David my mom and Ken. My mom came up
to Pocatello to take Jarom to an eye appointment. They passed the wreck going
north on the freeway. Jarom commented about what a nasty wreck it was. Then mom
said that looks like Shani's car. They called Melissa to see if I was there
yet. Melissa told them she was still waiting for me to arrive. Mom then called
my cell phone and got no answer. Mom then concluded that it had to be my car
and called Portneuf medical center and asked if there was a Shani Tennant
there. They told her I had just arrived. My mom's heart just sank. They came
straight to the ER from there. I was so glad to see her. I felt like a little
kid that just needed my mom. The staff at the ER checked me out and didn't
think there was anything majorly wrong with me, until I told them I can't move
my left leg, I can't move my left arm. They tickled my toes and asked where am
I touching you? I said" you’re touching me?" They knew at that point
there was more damage than they thought. They took me into another room and did
some cat scans, X-rays and a MRI and found that my neck was broken pinching my
spinal cord which cut off feeling to my left side. They immediately took some
paper to have Ken sign so they could take me to the OR for urgent surgery on my
spinal cord. If they waited the damage would have been permanent. I was in
surgery from 3:00 until 7:30 that evening.
I woke up in the Intensive care unit
of the Hospital (ICU). Ken was by my side. I couldn't move to a sitting
position yet. Dr. Morgan came to see how I was doing. He asked me if I could
feel him touch my left leg. I could feel him touch it but I couldn't move it.
That was normal. He also asked me to lift my arm. I lifted my left arm but it
flopped from the elbow joint and hit my head. He said this meant the surgery
was successful. It would just take time for me to relearn how to walk and use
my left arm and hand. At that point I couldn't even open my left hand let alone
hold anything with it, which is one reason it has taken me so long to type in
my journal about this experience. It has taken over a year for me to be able to
type normally with my left hand. They had me pretty drugged up on medications,
so much so that I had entire conversations with relatives I to this day do not
remember having. I needed help from Ken to even eat those first few days in
ICU. That was so hard depending on so many people just to do every day things
normal people take for granted. I couldn't leave my bed. They had me hooked up
to a catheter. It was so hard not being able to do what I had spent a whole
life time doing. Within a few days they were able to transfer me to the
4th floor where I could finally see my kids again.
Within two days of being on the 4th
floor they moved me to the 5th floor of the hospital which is Rehab. The
hardest thing I had to learn at the beginning of my stay there was when they
took my catheter out and tried to teach me how to pee on my own again. I
couldn't get out of bed with out 2 nurses helping me. I had never up until this
time lived so dependent on other people before. Anyway the first few times I
tried to pee in the toilet I couldn't. They ended up putting the catheter back
in temporarily until I could get it. I finally asked them to help me in the
bathroom and leave me alone in there for a few minutes. I think that did the
trick as I was able to pee in the toilet. I think I couldn't do it in front of
all the nurses watching me. I felt stripped of my own human dignity. Something
I didn't expect to have happen until I was old and gray in a rest home or
something. It was quite the humbling experience. I still needed help cutting my
food and I had to learn how to put my makeup on with only my right hand.
Unscrewing my foundation powder jar became quite a challenge. My hair at that
time was about 5 inches past my shoulder. For the first few days the nursed
pulled it up in a ponytail or braided it. However it ended up causing more
strain on my already sore neck. There were staples in the back of my neck and
stitches in the front of my neck. For the first few days I had to wear a neck
brace. So to alleviate some of the strain I had my friend Trina Rowe come to
hospital room and cut my hair in an A line cut just below my chin. It was a
cute cut I've had before and it did make it a lot easier to fix but in some
ways I miss my long hair.
It was hard for me to participate in
physical therapy at first. My Therapist name was Christina, she went by Chris.
I loved working with her. She was always smiling and was thrilled when I made
any kind of progress. Chris took me every day to the gym and I rode the recumbent
bike. For a while she had to find a way to tape my left hand to the handle bar
as I couldn't grip it yet. I started out riding it for 10 minutes and over the
next few weeks worked my way up to 15 then 20 minutes. Chris then had me stand
in between the parallel bars and balance on both feet. It felt strange to stand
on my left foot. It didn't even feel the same at all. It felt more like a
foreign entity. In some ways it still does. It felt more so then though. I
mainly went to physical therapy in a wheel chair. It was a really exciting day
for me when Chris thought I was ready to try walking with the aid of a walker.
I walked about 48 feet the first time I walked with the walker. That was a big
deal for me. The only thing that needed to be worked on is getting my knee on
my left leg to bend, and strengthening my ankle. I had to wear an AFO which
made my leg feel even more foreign. My ankle wasn't Strong enough. It would
roll if it wasn't held stable in some way. I had an ankle brace I had my mom
bring but it still didn't give me enough support. With time I would gain the
strength in my ankle again.
In addition to physical therapy I
also had occupational therapy. I took for granted that I could always do
before my wreck, like open a jar or clip my finger nails. To further help me
get the dexterity back in my left hand I asked my mom to bring me my crochet
hook and some yarn. Holding the yarn was easy with my right hand, but it
was a challenge to hold the yarn with my left. I use my left hand to gauge the
yarn and tension. It was hard to get my fingers to separate or straighten for
that matter. After 4 weeks I did get to the point where I could hold the yarn
better with my left hand enough that I could at least crochet a chain. It took
4 times as long as it used to but it was still progress and I was happy with
that. I am especially thrilled with the fact that now I can crochet like there
was never anything wrong with my hand. It gave me hope.
By the beginning of the 5th week at
the hospital, I rode home with Ken to my own home. My mom was there to greet me
as she still was planning on helping out with me for the next four weeks. It
was so good to be home, but at the same time, hard not being able to walk as
freely as I once could. I was stuck on the couch until someone could be there
to help me up. I learned to live with needing help.
Ken had a lot to deal with at night
taking care of me. We had a wheel chair he pushed me in to get me to the
bathroom in a hurry in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning.
We found out what happens when he didn't use the wheel chair. The first morning
after I came home I tried to walk to the bathroom with the walker. I passed out
in the door way and peed on the floor. I felt so bad afterwards. We learned
after this event to use the wheel chair to get me there faster. With time, I
learned to get to the bathroom with the first signs of needing to go.
Recovering at home was a slow
process as it seemed to take around 5 minutes just for me to walk down
the hall with my walker. I tried to be patient with myself. My mom stayed
with us during the week and went home on Thursday or Friday depending on the
week. I am to this day grateful for her help. The week following my release
home, we made an appointment with the physical therapy department of ISU
College. Their charges were easier for us to afford. They only charged $35.00
for one appointment whereas the professionals would charge a couple
hundred. I also didn't mind working with students. They offered a free
class on Monday so we only paid for 2 days a week of therapy and got Monday for
free. It was nice. The hardest thing I had to do there at therapy was learning
how to bend my left knee and balance. The first few days of therapy they worked
with me on those tasks. The professor's name is Cindy. I will be the first to
admit how hard this was for me to do. I had to re-teach my brain to make the
connection to move my feet knees and leg. It took a while, but I slowly
improved.
At the time of the wreck, I had no
health insurance even though the government required it. We looked into the
cost of adding the kids and I to Ken's plan at work. It would have been over
$500.00 dollars a month. We just couldn't afford to pay our other bill
including credit cards and $500.00 for health insurance. We decided in December
of 2013 to use our tax return to pay off most if not all of the credit cards
and then next year we would buy insurance for the kids and I. Unfortunately
things didn't not work out in our favor. With me not being insured at the time
of the wreck we were stuck with $228,000.00 in combined medical bills. It would
take us a life time to pay off the hospital debt. The Hospital asked us to file
for help with the county. So at the beginning of March, we set up an
appointment with the county to get approval for help with our medical bills. We
were asked to fill out a budget and bring in statements for anything we had
already spent money on when it came to my medical care. We did get $25,000 from
our car insurance which we were using to cover prescription drugs and other
such needs for my recovery and well-being. The lady we visited with at the
county office told us she thought things seemed hopeful in our case when it
came to being approved for help from the county. A few weeks later we got a
letter stating that the request for assistance from the county to pay medical
bill had been denied. I was so upset about it. It made me sick to think about
how we were going to pay the bills. There was a lady from the hospital by the
name of Martha who told us not to despair. The Hospital had planned on filing
an appeal with the county. A hearing would be set up to hear the case again. In
the mean time we were told to not pay any medical bill until things were
settled with either the county or the hospital. I was hopeful that things would
still work out in our favor. At the time I hoped she was right. Time would
tell.
One of the negative side-affects of
the accident is the surgery is it did cause nerve pain in my arms and legs.
Nerve pain feels like a cross between a burning sensation, involuntary arm
movement and jerks, and it feels like my arms are half asleep. Dr Hill at Rehab
prescribed me some prescription drugs Lyrica, for the nerve pain, a muscle
relaxer to help my legs at night and ambien to help me sleep. These drugs were
definitely not cheap by any stretch of the imagination. They cost between
250.00 and $300.00 a month. It was a good thing we had the $25,000.00 to pay
for these drugs. They did take the edge off of my pain. I'm off the drugs now
which is good for the baby I'm pregnant with. I do still have nerve pain. It
comes and goes, it is not as constant as it was then thank goodness.
Ken's Parents Mike and Cheryl and
his sister Shanna came to visit us during the last weekend in February and the
first Sunday of March. They helped Ken alot but it was really hard for me to
accept. I think in some ways I felt totally stripped of all pride. Humbled you
could say too. I wished at the time, that things had turned out different. I
wish that I hadn't left that day and gotten into the wreck. Later all reasons
would be made clear to me.
The follow Saturday we went to Lava
Hot springs in Lava Idaho about 30 miles south of Pocatello. Mike and Cheryl
love to go nearly every time they come to visit. It was very hard for me to
walk with the walker up and down the hill getting into the pool area. At one
point I needed to use the restroom. I was very touched by Shanna's compassion
as she helped me into the restroom, take off my swim suit and do my business. I
was glad she helped me out in such an humiliating situation for me. It is
still hard for me to think about how I had to give up my dignity just to accept
help when needed from family. I wanted so much to do normal things on my own
but could not and had to accept help from others. I tried to enjoy the hot
soothing water with my family and Ken's parents and Shanna. However after an
hour or so, I just ached and got so tired. So I asked if we could go home. They
agreed and we headed home.
Mike touched me with his compassion
Sunday morning as well. He was the only who stayed behind to help me cross the
street to get to the church. It took me between 5-10 minutes to cross the
street with my walker. Mike walked with me with every step I took. My respect
for him grew that day. Ken is the second counselor in the bishopric so he had
to be to church early. I'm glad Mike at least stayed behind to help me get to
church.I did think overall it was a good visit and I appreciated Ken's parents
and sister coming to help out that weekend. I wish it couldn't have been under
reasons but it is what it is.
One of hardest things for me to deal
with is not being able to drive myself places like I was used to. In my next
appointment with Dr. Hill I asked him what I needed to do to drive again. He
referred me to an occupational therapist that deals with getting patients ready
to drive again. Her name is Jill. Ken and I meant with her in mid-April. She
did some tests on my eyes for depth perception and timing on brakes. On the
10th of May we set up an appointment for me to drive with a driving instructor.
The next few weeks past and the morning of the 10th of May came. At 10:00 am we
met with the driving instructor and Jill. Ken sat in the back seat. It was a
bit nerve racking to have my driving critiqued. I drove where the instructor
told me too. I drove over the over pass, On the freeway, and on a one way
street. I paid close attention to how I stopped, my speed, and I looked in my
rear view mirrors often. I knew from what Jill told me before I started, if I
didn't pass I could take the test again. I hoped it wouldn't come to that. At
the end of my driving test Jill told me I only made one major mistake. I
switched lanes in the middle of a turn and didn't realize it. Normally I would have
failed the test for that kind of mistake, but because I made complete stops at
stops signs and kept within the speed limits Jill let me pass. I was so
grateful to her for that. Most of the time I try my hardest to be a good
driver.
It was so nice to have the freedom
to come and go as I please by driving myself to therapy, grocery shopping and
anywhere I needed to go. It helped a lot with my mood. I felt like little by
little I was gaining my independence and personal identity back. It felt great.
As I may have mentioned, my mom left
from helping me during the week on the 12th of March mainly because she thought
I would do fine on my own now. I was a little nervous about how I would take
care of things including Lizzy but I decided to trust my mom's confidence in
me. That first day alone with Lizzy I did have a few trying moments. She
decided it would be fun to run circles around me instead of letting me change
her diaper. Luckily I out smarted her and put my arm out and clothes lined her
pinned her to the floor to change her. Putting her down for a nap was a
different story all together. I couldn't carry her yet so I kind of had to
chase her into her room like herding cattle. It worked barely. I was able to
cook and do the dishes with my walker, it was a slow process but I could do it.
When I switched to a cane managing the house hold chores became a whole lot
easier thank goodness. I was glad for my progress, even if it was slow.
Sometimes the slowness of it all drove me nuts. I just wanted to be better and
normal now. I guess the biggest lesson I needed to learn from all of this is
patience. I'm still learning patience.
I was told I needed to wean of the
medicine so I didn't become dependent on them. The withdrawals I should
and did expect were dizziness, being more tired, and a queasy stomach. I did
experience these symptoms during the next 12 week but they weren't from what I
thought they were from. Little did I know what surprises there were in store
for me in the coming weeks.
During the next several weeks I
worked on exercising walking was what I was used to so I worked hard at
it. Getting a little better every time! I also worked on more
family time and getting to know My mom’s new fiancé turned husband. I
still had all of my beautiful children to take care of and all of this was
difficult to say the least.
I didn't know if I could handle
another baby so we got Ken an appointment for September 17th. He took off the
rest of the week as the 17th was a Wednesday. I went with him as moral support.
After all he stood by me during every labor. The least I could do was stay by
his side for his surgery. It was an in and out surgery. It took about 45
minutes from the time we got there until we left. It took him about a
week to fully recover.
The big surprise came 5 days after
Ken's vasectomy. The following Monday my period still had not come. I had Ken
pick me up a pregnancy test from the dollar store just to eliminate that as the
reason I was late. I had been taking birth control pills to prevent pregnancy for
the last nine months until we could get an appointment for Ken's Vasectomy. I
took the pregnancy test and I slowly saw two pink lines appear which meant I am
pregnant. I stared in disbelief and about hyperventilated. Moments later Ken
came into the bathroom and reacted the same way. I told him i'm here
hyperventilating with you. It took us that much by surprise. God really wanted
us to have this baby. But now that I am days from delivering this baby I
am way excited to meet this little baby. Ironic that Ken gets a vasectomy and
then we find out I am already pregnant. So here I am 9 months pregnant now and
reviewing my year. It has been a year of
strength and determination but also surprises from God and what he thought I
could handle. I had been praying every night while in the hospital and once I
got home that heavenly father would help me get through the day. I know that he
was answering my prayers all along and I have constantly felt his influence
throughout each day and during the past year.
I truly thank him for all he has done for me. “
What an amazing story of strength
and determination. Your strength to keep
going despite the challenges that you were facing is an inspiration to me and
to everyone that you come in contact with.
Congratulations on your new little miracle. This will be a new year of new strengths and
joy. Thank you again so much for your
strength and witness of the Lords hand in your life.
*Please send me your edge of the miracle story to
(edgeofthemiracle@outlook.com). I will preview it and then keep in close
contact with you before featuring it in an upcoming blog. There are
people out there that need your strength. They need the kind of peace
only your story can bring. Even if you don't feel like it is worth a
feature, just know that someone out there somewhere is needing to hear how you
have overcome and the lessons that you have learned. http://edgeofthemiracle.blog.com/ You may save their life or quite
possibly save many lives. We need your story
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